I Am I Be

I'm not sure if this a back track or the second part of the last blog. If it doesn't feel right, is it really worth trying? This is not about my pride, I take it on the chin, and move on. Keep moving, keep on beat, though I'm feeling a little off at the moment.

I'm not trying to whine or say, "Look! Woe is me!!" That isn't my style, still it's hard and I hope I don't live to regret my decision. Am I cutting my nose off to spite my face? I don't think so. I still feel rotten though, but I have to move on and live with it. I've had my moment of morbid introspection and now I have to get on with the rest of this bitter sweet life. Many adventures to have and many people to meet.

The dissolution of a relationship can never be anything but messy, especially when one of the parties blames themselves and want to make amends. I can forgive and I think I have now that I have severed ties. Maybe that's the irony..

I can never fall out of love or be bitter so some one I spent a great chunk of my life with, no matter what happened in the end. Things happen for reason though, maybe we think of it as bad timing, but just maybe there is a greater plan for us all.

You Gotta Go There To Come Back

I'm prone to moments of madness. I think it's when I go on the run from my emotions, I find myself hitting giddy heights and get wrapped up in obsessions to distract myself from the truth. I try and deny them, talk myself into believing something else then leave myself open and exposed. I hate feeling that way, but I never put up a front. I'm an honest if slightly confused soul....

I've been looking at it all wrong, I asked myself a question that I answered wrongly. I over complicate thoughts when the simplest answer is generally the right one. Maybe the question was wrong. When did I start being so unforgiving? I hate feeling like I'm being played, and I hate doing the playing. I don't do games, life is too damn short, yet I keep on questioning everything. It is the driving force of my madness.

I am far from infallible, so it would be arrogant of me not to forgive, and I have a few people who I should forgive. I have been handed more than my fair share of chances, so the right thing is put out a hand say,

"Ah! Fuck it! Let's move passed that shit and get on and build for tomorrow."

Maybe as a man I shouldn't be so open with this, but this is real life. I'm comfortable enough to think anybody who reads this can understand where I am coming from. This isn't about getting rich quick, or some amazing holiday adventures with photos. Neither is it about music. It is just my life and my feelings as a man.

So I am gonna rise above and give people a second chance, because I know what I'd rather regret. I'd regret not giving it a chance, I am a stubborn bastard so it's hard to admit that. I think you know when something is right and when something is wrong.

I'd like to thank friends old and new for being patient with me, even the friends who where consumed in their own shit. I have time for anybody, sometimes it's about the journey. Inevitably though it's about finding the place where you feel at one with your surroundings. The journey has been full of highs and lows, but I think...mm I KNOW I am tired of running.

Life is beautiful, amazing, scary, maddening, ugly... Never let anything pass you by and appreciate it all.